Everytime
by aww-shucks
Summary: Simple songfic. Alex's love for Justin that will never be. Rated T for character death.


**Just a quick little songfic! **

**I love Britney Spears to death by the way ; ) (I have since I was five..)**

_Notice me, take my hand,_

_Why are we strangers when our love is strong?_

_Why carry on without me?_

Everybody's always wondering _"Why can't you be like your older brother, Justin?" _

I am _not _like you because I don't have to be.

I act out all of the time because I want you to notice me.

I love you, Justin. Not justlove though, I'm _in _love with you.

Of course, I would never tell you that.

Yes, I may not be as smart as you, but I do know that it is wrong to be in love with your sibling.

I don't want to talk to you because it pains me to.

I know that you will _never _love me back.

So why should you even love me now?

_Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings, I feel so small_

_I guess I need you, baby_

Nobody ever gets it! I _do _try! I really do! But I'm always compared to you so I'll _never _get it right.

I try and try but I always fail.

They blame me, Justin. Please stop this. Please help me.

I need you to.

_And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

I think of you every single second. You never go away.

I try to push you away but it never works.

Please, Justin.

_I make believe that you are here_

_It's the only way I see clearly_

You have left for college. I don't know what to do without you.

Whenever you call to check up on us, I bring the phone into my room and pretend that you're talking to me in there.

I love that your nerdy sense is still nagging me to do the right thing.

Call me crazy, but you're the only person who understands me.

You'd beg to differ but you are.

_What have I done?_

_You seem to move uneasy_

You came back to the substation on break and I told you _everything._

You hate me now.

I hate _myself_.

I thought you'd understand and tell me it's alright, but you're avoiding me now.

You never talk to me or hug me or _anything._

Why did I do this?

I thought you loved me?

I'm sorry.

_Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings, I feel so small_

_I guess I need you, baby_

You're back in school again.

So am I.

I keep on trying like you've asked me to before.

I can't.

I can't do this.

I can't do anything.

I need you here. With me.

_And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you baby_

I hate you, Justin!

I'll never talk to you ever again!

You brought home your girlfriend, Juliet!

And you proposed.

I saw the look you gave me right after. A look of guilt.

I hate you so much!

Get out of my life!

Please just leave me alone.

You don't care about me, and I don't need you.

_I may have made it rain_

_Please forgive me_

_My weakness caused you pain and this song's my sorry_

I shut you out like always. But now I see your anger towards me.

You say you hate me.

You say I'm sick.

You say I'm disgusting.

That you don't need me anymore.

You never want to see me.

You'll never see me again then, I promise.

I'm sorry, I really am. Please forgive me.

_**Justin's POV**_

_At night I pray that soon your face will fade away_

I got a call from mom today. She told me to come down. She sounded hurt.

I can't though. I have finals that I've been studying for.

And I don't want to. I don't want to see _you_.

Alex.

I can't get you out of my head. I can't get your crying out of my head when I told you I hated you.

You asked me to forgive you. I couldn't.

_Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings, I feel so small_

_I guess I need you, baby_

Mom says she really needs me to come home. She's crying.

Please don't talk to me, Alex.

I don't want you to.

I can't bear it.

I can't.

You don't understand, Alex.

You're beautiful.

You're caring.

You're lovely in all of the ways imaginable.

But nobody ever sees you in those ways.

I'm the only one who has.

I love you.

I really do.

But not in the good way. The same as you.

I thought if I shut you out that you'd move along.

I didn't mean to hurt you. You know I never would.

I need you, Alex.

You're the strongest person I know.

I'd never be able to live without you.

_And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, it's haunting me_

_I guess I need you, baby_

After mom's calls over and over again, I came down after a couple of days.

You left me, Alex.

I hate you in all of the ways imaginable.

I hate myself more.

But I can't believe you did this, Alex.

Why?

Why am I even asking that question?

Mom said it happened three days ago.

Why didn't I come down?

I could've saved you.

I could've told you I love you and that I didn't hate you. I never can.

Mom said she wouldn't talk to anyone and it just happened.

I hate you, Alex.

You killed yourself. Because of me.

I try not to cry. I try so hard.

You never leave me alone.

I need you, Alex.

_-Everytime_

_Britney Spears_

**Yeah, that was a bit cheesy, I know. I just wanted to do it so badly. I've been listening to this song forever and I finally downloaded to my computer so I've been listening to it non-stop over the past days and I was listening to the lyrics and thought that it MIGHT be kind of jalex! **

**PLEASE review! I felt so stupid because I uploaded the last chapter of The Wedding and realized I didn't make it a chapter in the story so I woke up from a six hour nap after being gone four hours for other stuff and I just uploaded it.**


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